Batman (and Family) Reviews
by bluhawk19
Summary: Ever wondered what Batman thinks of Batman & Robin? What Nightwing makes of slash-fiction? What Huntress thinks of her Arrow portrayal? Well, they've shared their thoughts with us! Opinions, rants, and reviews galore as the Batclan dives into the world of comic book movies, shows, comics, and fanfiction.
1. Batman Log I

**AN: Hey guys! So this is basically a collection of various Batman universe characters' thoughts on fanfics, movies, TV, anything that stars them!**

 **And we might get a cameo every now and then, such as the next chapter *wink wink***

 **Occasionally, they might also share their thoughts on other stuff. Such as Batman and Superman reviewing the Batman v Superman trailer or something like that.**

 **Happy reading!**

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Batman

Apparently Dinah wants all of us on the League to share our thoughts on these... 'fanfics'. *growl*

Fine. Let's get this done and over with.

So, first of all, I want to address all these 'pairings'. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Why am I paired up with Superman so much?! I don't even like Kent that much as a friend! And seriously, having us get pregnant?! As Dick would say, that's messed up. I do not participate in this 'slash' stuff. I'm straight. Can you not see the multitudes of WOMEN that I've been linked with?!

And no, I do not gush over Diana. She's simply a colleague. *says it reluctantly* Although, if I'm to be paired up with people, she's one I wouldn't mind.

Also, I'm not all cold. I'm also not mushy inside. I don't pine after Diana, or Talia, or anyone else. I can... care... for people. But my heart doesn't melt for them.

And also, I'm not this lovable father figure. I love my sons. I care for them. But I am not some cuddly toy that they come to to hug or whatever. I'm Batman...

*growls angrily*... did I just see a Batman x Joker?... You people all belong in Arkham.

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 **AN: I hope you liked that. And yes, Batman will be back many more times. This is just his initial thoughts.**

 **So what did ya think? Like or dislike? Share your thoughts in a PM or review. Follow and favourite.**

 **By the way, if you're a fan of RWBY, please go check out that other fic, Hunters of the Hunters.**

 **I'll see you again - this side or the other.**


	2. Joker Log I

**AN: The title gives the character away, but who cares! I'm not perfectly happy with it. It has issues. But here is the first chapter for my favourite comic book villain, The Joker!**

 **Yep, he's hijacked this fanfic. You'll have to wait until the end of this crisis for the cameos of 'certain characters'.**

 **Happy reading! (also, should green gas appear in the room you're in and make people start laughing and having a ridiculous grin, run! And call the police... and the national guard... and Batman!)**

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Hello, Gotham and beyond! Joker here! Now, you may be wondering what I'm doing on your 'illustrious' site. Well, I stumbled upon this one day while looking up my ancestry. Don't ask why...

...Anyway, I decided to share my thoughts on your little 'fantasies'. *knowing cackle*

Of course, I'm not actually writing this down myself. I kidnapped some random kid from Gotham University to type it all down. Of course, Batman's probably on his way here already...

But before he gets here, I'm gonna have this kid write my thoughts while I polish my favourite crowbar! Now, where to start?

Oh, I know! Some people seem to think that I am crazy and that I have no thought-out and fleshed-out plans. I'm not Warner Bros. with those DC movies! Which Harley once forced me to watch... I blew up a hospital... it was beautiful!

*eyes start to water with tears of pride and joy*

But enough of that! I'll have you know that I am a smart man who has very intricate plots! I went to college, you know!

Even now, a plot is in motion to incapacitate Batsy when he arrives.. he'll be grinning from ear to ear when I'm done with him!

And, my, my, are there a lot of 'talented' writers creating some very 'intriguing' fanfics about Harley and I... *dark, perverted cackle* Those, I like...

But then I find Harley x Poison Ivy. You all make me sick. And I'm the Joker! The docs are just all-smiles when I go to the hospital!

And even worse... Harley... x... Batman...

*seething*

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Never! Never will Batsy ever lay a finger on Harley! She's mine! Mine!

*more seething*

But the worst... the most repulsive... the craziest of all... Batman... x... Joker...

*smashes crowbar into a nearby wall, then cackles*

Anyway, I gotta go now. I'm hearing my Joker gas-traps going off. Time for The Crow to start crowing!

PS. I am not into BDSM. I'm cruel and all, but even I don't stray into that territory.

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 **AN: So what did you guys think?**

 **But anyway! Share your thoughts and requests in a PM or review as always!**

 **Please don't go...please don't leave me behind. (my heart was just incinerated again)**


	3. Justice League Trinity Log I

**Hey guys! So I've been gone from here for some time. I've been so busy with my other fanfic, Hunters of the Hunters, as well as helping out a friend and another writer with their fanfics. Also, college is starting up soon, so I'm very busy at the moment!**

 **Now, I don't know if anyone here has seen the film that will be talked about here, but I thought that this would be a good point to put this review in. I personally gave it a 5/10 and a critical 3.5/5. And that film is... Justice League: Gods and Monsters!**

 **Happy reading!**

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Hello. My name is Superman.

I am Wonder Woman.

And I'm Batman.

Superman: And today, we're going to share our thoughts on Justice League: Gods and Monsters. It's an animated film released in your year of 2015. And since all three of us were portrayed in that film, I thought that I'd ask Diana and Bruce to talk about it as well.

Batman: Let's just get this done and over with, Kent.

Wonder Woman: Then I shall go first. *sigh*

I have seen the shorts that Machinima put out, and... it affects my portrayal. First of all, I don't think ANY version of me would sleep with Steve Trevor all the time and everywhere! I wouldn't do that with any man!

As for the whole Becca character, who is Wonder Woman in this universe, she fell in love with Orion way too quickly. The romance in this film is mostly weak. Things should have been slower, like Bruce and I!

Batman: *batglare* There is no Bruce and I, Diana. *face falls slightly as he struggles to say that*

Batman: But I'll go next, if only to end my participation in this sooner. *curses Black Canary for making this compulsory*

First of all, this was a very good film. And while I can never be replaced *because I'm Batman*, Langstrom, or Man-Bat, was the logical choice to substitute me in this so-called AU. And it paid off.

The voice acting was very hit or miss. Michael C. Hall was an inspired choice to voice Batman, and brought the same feel and air as he did in Dexter, which lent a lot to 'Vampire Batman'. Granted, I have only seen the two episodes of Dexter that Jason asked me to 'study for future use'.

But then we get to voice actors such as those for Wonder Woman and Waller, who are just bland and generic. The plot is just as flimsy, and the dialogue made me doubt whether the writers actually learned basic English in school.

As always, Bruce Timm's animation shines. I've seen parts of it because Dick loves the Superman animated series *glowers at Kal* and always watched in the living room when he resided at the Manor.

Superman: ... I think that's the most you've ever said about a film in one go... or anything else, for that matter... Anyway, I'll just add to what you two have said.

I, unfortunately, have had to watch all the 'New 52' ones with my friend, the Planet's film critic. All those films are bad. This one, thankfully, is good. The villain is has some fascinating views. The mystery of the villain is quite good. Although I think it helped that I thought Darkseid had sent those 'creatures'.

The changes to our origins were interesting. I think making Wonder Woman the daughter of the New Gods is such a great move. And making her the daughter-in-law of Darkseid is also intriguing. Those two help to define a whole different Wonder Woman.

I feel that making me the adopted son of Mexican immigrants instead of the Kents is so engaging because, I mean, what would I have been like if I had been raised by them instead? What would I become like in that environment? And even more fascinating is the fact that I am made the son of Zod, and how that plays into my alternate universe character.

It's also interesting to see that the Justice League are somewhat roguish, and that they are more brash and lethal. They go against the government, and we see what it would be like if that kind of Justice League existed.

Well, anyway, that's the end of our brief review. If you're interested, watch it. If you're not, still watch it, because it's just so intriguing to see this alternate universe. This was Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. Goodbye, folks.

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 **Alright! So what did you think? I hope this wasn't a total disappointment. Even if you haven't seen this movie, I hope you still enjoyed the Trinity talking about their alternate selves, as well as Batman giving critical thought to a film!**

 **So yeah, I didn't like this movie, but it is a good movie and it is quite interesting, so I recommend that you check it out if you haven't already.**

 **I'm not sure when the next chapter will be out. But if you want, you could check out another fanfic of mine, DC Reviews, featuring these chapters (albeit slightly modified) as well as a whole bunch of other DC characters! I just made these Batman ones a fanfic of their own as well because there's going to be more Bat-clan chapters than any others, and if people just want to read Bat-clan stories and not Justice League ones or whatever, then they can come here instead!**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading! Don't forget to share your opinions and chapter requests in a PM or review.**

 **Hasta la vista, baby!**


	4. Batman Log II

**AN: Hey guys! I am so sorry for kinda abandoning you all. It was a really tough summer and I've had a lot of personal problems. To be honest, I kinda lost motivation and creativity in September. But, I am back now, and I will try to establish some sort of pacing with posting these.**

 **Happy reading!**

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...

Hrm... so, I'm actually being forced to analyze and review one of these fanfictions...

...

I... actually enjoyed a few. The Dark Knight Legacy (and its sequels)... Bridezillas and Kryptonite... Big Bird, Little Wing, Baby Bird, and Mini Bat...

But I'd have to say that I enjoyed Hunter's Moon, a fanfiction by Christy Tortland, the most.

At 53 chapters consisting of over 220,000 words, it is a big read, but if you get sucked in by the story, you could be like Dick, who finished this in just two nights...

Anyway, the premise of Hunter's Moon is that Diana was kidnapped by a jealous Amazon guard when she was still a baby. In this story, she and I are of similar age.

She grows up on the outskirts of Gotham, near Wayne Manor, and knows of her true heritage but still treats the guard as her mother. Diana also has a best friend from childhood, Helena Bertinelli herself, although she isn't the daughter of a mob boss in this fanfiction, allowing for a really interesting dynamic.

So, this story is immediately interesting and unique because of its deviations from the status quo.

The writing is very well-done and professional, which isn't surprising considering that Tortland actually writes novels as well as fanfiction.

The pacing is very good; it doesn't lag often or go off on random tangents a lot. Everything is tightly woven; you can tell that a plan was there before the writing truly began.

But, as I just said, the pacing isn't always on point. Some of the scenes, and, dare I say, some of the chapters that cover the earlier years of friendship between Diana and I falter a bit. Not to say that they are necessarily boring; there's just a few parts that stretch things a bit too much.

I was impressed by how three-dimensional the characters and relationships are. Those who need character arcs get well-rounded arcs

There isn't much, if any, shafting going on. The story knows who the main characters are, and it keeps the main focus on them. But that doesn't mean that other characters don't get formation.  
For example, Alfred and Diana's adoptive mother, the Amazon guard, are well-characterized. Even the supporting cast and those of lesser importance get good, strong moments to build them.

I also feel the need to compliment the art for this fanfic. Tortland is also an artist, and designs beautiful work for all her fanfictions, including this one.

So, in the end, it was an enjoyable read that doesn't require you to turn off your brain, instead getting the mind going. Yes, I would recommend this...

... I also may or may not have enjoyed the romance in this story. I also do not dream every time I sleep about it...

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 **AN: So, what did ya guys think? Yeah, this is another Batman review. I just wanted to get this out because it's one of my favourite fanfics.**

 **Remember to send me your requests and suggestions for future chapters in a PM, or post it in a review.**

 **Thanks guys for reading!**


	5. Green Arrow Log I (No Joke)

**AN: Hey guys! Hope everything's been good since the last chapter came out.** **I was gonna post this last week but some extra stuff for a wedding at my church came up.**

 **I want to explain something before the chapter itself. These reviews aren't necessarily my thoughts. Some people think they are, but I don't share the same feelings as all of these characters.**

 **I'm just writing what my versions would say. I agree with some and disagree with others.** **For example, I have much more of a love-hate relationship with Smallville than my version of Clark does.**

 **But anyway, I hope everyone gets my intentions now. I just wanted to clear that up.**

 **Speaking of flaming, here's a bit of a touchy subject for me. Not as sensitive as its most recent predecessor, but still on a bit of a cliff for me.**

 **Happy reading!**

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Green Arrow: Do I really have to do this, Dinah?

Black Canary: Yes, Ollie. We all have to post at some point.

Green Arrow: But baby-

Black Canary: *"the do it or you're not getting anything tonight" glare*

Green Arrow: Fine...

*sigh*

So, I just got let out of a sealed room where I was forced to binge-watch all of Arrow up to the current episode. Now, I'm gonna have to talk about it.

I'm not gonna talk about the whole show right now. I just spent 52 hours or so dragging myself through all three and a half seasons. I'm tired, I need a shower and some sleep, so I'll just get to what's going on right now.

I like Stephen Amell. He was cool as Green Batman ('cause that's what Arrow often wants to be) but I like him even more as this new, more comic book Ollie. I mean, it's not just being more like me that makes him better. He's actually a good guy. He's standing on the right side of the moral line this season.

I'm still holding out for the goatee, though...

The story is already better than Season 3. Still a bit hit and miss, but it's on the climb. Damien Darkh is a cool villain, though I can't believe that he's using his actual name in public. I mean, even if Ollie wasn't Green Arrow, he would still think a guy called Darkh who had also threatened him was a bad guy.

Oh, and remember Darkh's box? The one that he wanted to shrink? The one at the end of an episode that thought it was a massive cliffhanger but really just confused people? Yeah, well, Wally told me that that box is supposedly an Apokoliptian motherbox. Is Darkseid coming?

There was this show I used to watch with Mia (my youngest daughter, if you didn't know) called Young Justice. It got cancelled, but it's cliffhanger was that Vandal Savage was working for Darkseid. With Savage coming up on that Legends of Tomorrow show, we could get the same thing in the future.

On another note, Laurel is still inconsistent and annoying. And that's not even me talking because I'm married to the real deal.

I mean, what new level of idiocy is Laurel at? She knew what would happen to her sister after she was put into the Lazarus Pit, and yet she still went through with it.

Speaking of her sister, did they have to make Sara leaving such a contrivance? I mean, I know that they're setting up for Legends of Tomorrow, but she just left as a necessity for that show to happen. Sara had no real reason to leave.

But let's not be all glum. I like a lot of stuff about Season 4. The action is awesome. It's fluid when it needs to be and gritty when it should be. The Green Arrow costume looks better in action, especially in the dark. The Arrow one looked too generic when in action with other costumed guys.

I liked the Constantine episode. The real guy came in and watched that episode with me (thank God for that 40 minutes of companionship), and he really enjoyed it. The humour was great; real light-hearted even with some of the darker stuff that it was dealing with.

I like the dialogue this season. I know that a lot of people don't, but I do. I think there's some cool banter and deep conversations.

Now, a lot of people call this the best Batman show currently on air. I agree. It has been very Batmany...

Batman-like? Batmanesque?

Anyway, it bothered me a bit before, and I was hoping that the show would just allow the 'Arrow' aspect of the show to stand on it's own, and this season, they've been doing that quite a bit.

So, all in all, this season isn't as good as the first two, but definitely better than the third. I like it. (Though that might be because we're getting an Ollie a bit more like me and a show more like my world... sans the hundreds of heroes and villains on Earth and beyond.)

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 **AN: The reason I put this here is because I'm actually one of those people who call Arrow the best current Batman show. I think that's part of why I loved the first two seasons.**

 **Anyway, I wanted to drop this first because the one I was working on before this turned into a Christmas chapter, so I'll post that in around 2 weeks.**

 **Until then, good bye, and good night/morning/afternoon/evening.**


	6. Alfred Log I

**Belated merry Christmas to all! I hope your holidays have been awesometacular so far! Thanks, once again, to everyone who has read, reviewed, favourited, and followed this fanfic. You guys make this so worthwhile, and it truly makes me happy to hear that others enjoy this fanfic. I also hope that you guys have seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens, because it is freaking amazing! As some of you may know, I'm a giant Star Wars fan. It's my biggest fandom, and this was my most anticipated and worried about movie ever, but it surpassed everything. It's my favourite film of all time, and I'll be doing a review of it very soon on my review blog. Anyway, let's get to the chapter! Merry reading!**

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Alfred: Greetings to all. I'm Alfred Pennyworth, and I shall be taking the opportunity to post onto this 'forum' today on behalf of my family. I quite frankly affirmed that I would do the duties so that they could all just relax and spend some quality time together.

I do hope that I am an adequate substitute. The Masters are quite good at talking to people, especially Master Richard. I shan't try to out-do him in entertaining, but I shall try to be as insightful as possible.

Masters Richard and Timothy and Miss Barbara sat me down to watch a film last week. It was an animated film named Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. Now, I don't profess to be a professional film critic, but I do think that I am quite capable in the concept and idea department. That is the direction that I shall approach this film today.

Right off, I must say that the story is really quite glorious. I was stunned that it was so deep and thoughtful, and I did take some time after watching the film to mull it over. I also had a very deep conversation with the Masters and Miss about what they thought of the ideas in the film.

The mystery shrouding the identity of the Phantasm is so compelling. I was quite pleased to find that I was enjoying myself throughout every minute of this film. The whole run time, I was pondering the possibilities of who the Phantasm could be. One moment, I would think that I had the identity locked down, but a scene would come by that disproved my theory. I was absolutely captivated by the time that the reveal came, and I can honestly say that it was one of the few mysteries that I have loved in a film.

This is a film which doesn't have a story for the sake of the characters. It doesn't contrive occurrences happen so that characters can do certain things. The film doesn't contrive instances just so that the Joker can have a few funny gags. The characters serve the story.

This is also one of the most tragic and most emotional films that I have ever seen, because it is a personal story. It was like viewing a flash-back. I was taken back to the days when Master Bruce was falling for Miss Andrea. It... he never thought that he ever fall in love... he still doesn't, the stubborn man. But, for just that blissful period in his life, he did.

I've never seen Master Bruce truly happy since Master Thomas and Miss Martha passed away, save for the time that he was with Miss Andrea. If only he would take more notice of Miss Diana...

He was possibly even happier with Miss Andrea than when his parents were still among us. So much so that he was going to give up Batman. That was before he fully embraced the darkness. The film strongly portrayed the struggle within Master Bruce to either be with Miss Andrea and live a happy life, but let the criminal infestation carry on, or become Batman and live a lonely life of purging crime from Gotham. It was, frankly, quite eerie to see a piece of fiction get so close to morphing into non-fiction.

In both the film and real life, he chose the path of happiness. Honestly, I too was happier than ever during those times.

But life had a different plan for both Master Bruce and Miss Andrea. The happiest times of their lives ended when they were driven apart by the very thing that Master Bruce had decided to not devote his life to fighting—crime.

That pushed him into an even gloomier place than when his parents died, both in the film and real life.

The complete embrace of the darkness was perfectly epitomized in the scene that Bruce first puts the cowl on. It was almost to the T how the actual moment played all those years ago.

I love that he has part of himself in the light of the Batcave, before bending down to pick up his cowl. It was chilling because that represented his full acceptance of the hollow darkness within himself.

I remember that exact moment. He turned back to me, no longer as Bruce Wayne, a man who had fallen in love and had his heart broken, but the cold sentinel that is Batman. That... it was at that moment that I finally, truly lost hope for Master Bruce.

That pit in both our hearts was only made worse once he discovered that Miss Andrea had become the Phantasm. She was the reason that he had become Batman, and she herself became something far worse—a Batman who crossed the line. It tore apart the last shreds of hope that Master Bruce didn't even know he had.

I remember watching the usually dark, stoic knight trudging dejectedly down the steps of the Batcave. There was nothing left in him.

One thing that the film didn't show was what he said to me.

"Alfred, I can't do it any more. I don't see the point. The brightest spot of my life, the untainted glimmer of hope; she became the darkest form, something worse than even what I am. How can I continue to fight? How can I ever hope to stop Gotham from falling into the abyss. It's already blackened. Andrea, brighter than this city ever was, fell. And I couldn't save her. How can I save Gotham?"

I... what could I have said? The crestfallen man before me wasn't a child that could be told that everything would be okay.

So I just watched him... helplessly. He could see no hope left, and neither could I.

But, as the film showed, there was a final glimmer of light—Andrea's locket.

He's tried to track her down, but to no avail. She's still a phantasm, but we now have a hope in our hearts that she can be, if not not already is, redeemed.

And in the years since then, Bruce has had what he hoped he would have with Andrea—happiness. He has a family that keeps his dark days just a little less dark.

I don't think that Bruce will completely embrace happiness until his mission is done. And unfortunately, I don't see his mission ever being completed. But he no longer has to go it alone. He hasn't had more hope than since his parents were still living and walking within the halls of this manor.

He only ever saw one possibility, the light, or the dark. But I know that there is now a balance within. He will never let go of the darkness, but neither will the light ever release him.

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 **So ends my log. I know that it was more of a story than a review, but I felt urged to share this tale today. I hope that I have touched even one person.**

 **Enjoy the holidays, everyone. Like I shall in a moment, spend time with your family. Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all.**

 **So what did you guys think? Was it touching or just melodramatic? Did you like seeing Alfred join in? As always, please share your thoughts and criticisms in a review or personal message.**

 **I wanted to do something about Christmas originally, but I instead decided to go for a story that was a bit more personal and closer to my heart.**

 **I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and are having a great holiday. Merry Christmas, happy new year, and God bless to everyone.**


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